Aye! All you Stalkers out there, I see you!!!

The Internets is a perverse pleasure.  It's a land of unbridled voyeurism, no shame, and a place to spill every dirty little detail of your life, if you should choose to do so. I'm not so sure I need "Fred" and his second cousin George knowing what I had for breakfast today.  I asked a few of these free sharers about why they do it, and overwhelmingly the response was "Oh, nobody looks at it anyway".  Oh yes, they do!!

It's their business, and I fully admit I find humor in some of it, and a lot of times it's "Really?  Who fucking cares!!" Attention whores? Maybe. I love my weekends when I can unplug and not think about it.  Meet people face to face, get out, do stuff!!  Life is too short to be acting out a drama scene for a bunch of crazed looky-loos.

I know you're thinking, wow, talk about hypocrisy!!!  I suppose one could infer that a blog isn't much different than social media, but at least here you can pick a topic and possibly crank out a paragraph or two about some subject a few might find intriguing. For whatever it's worth.



Raven, signing off.

The cold continues

We're now 2 days away from March, and we have about 3 feet of snow on the ground, and today marked about the 50th day of sub zero weather.  It sucks.  There is nothing we can do about it, but complain to anyone that will listen.  I really can't say anymore, I think I stand where everyone else does, and simply want my life back and be able to go outside and do things.

It's been a quiet week.  There was an incident last weekend in which a friend of mine got mad at me and pretty much told me to go to hell.  I very pretty shocked by it, and sad.  I think there was some sort of misunderstanding, or we both saw the situation differently.  It really doesn't matter why, because I feel bad that it happened.  Time heals, so I am hoping at some point things will smooth over.  A mutual friend seems to think this, that two people saw the same thing in two different ways.

Meanwhile, so far this cold season I have binge watched Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy.  Loved both of them.  BB has to be close to an all time favorite for me, I liked it even better than a few seasons of Dexter.  I just started The Shield, and am 4 episodes into that now, and so far I am liking it.  Lots of cross characters in this one. 

The gym has also kept me busy. I am getting in 2-3 spin classes a week, and weight routine 2x.  I am happy with what I am seeing, but also am wanting more, to be in 100% top shape. My biggest fallback is food.  I don't eat junk, but I do eat processed.  That's about all there is for a single person who doesn't cook.  Ah well, it could be worse. 

Below is how much snow is off my back patio.  I think it should be labeled obscene.

Some Days Are Diamonds

It's the middle of the week and not much is going on.  I really don't have anything interesting to say today.  It's another diamond day, weather-wise....weatherbug is reporting 40.  Another long walk is on tap for today. 

I miss my audience from long ago.  Maybe you're all FB junkies now, I was for awhile but it got old. So if you're reading this, at least comment, let me know I am not talking to myself, I already do enough of that.  I even made it so you can comment anonymous and don't have to sign up. 

Meanwhile, I guess I'll just throw whatever I want out here and hope someone bites.

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday

Well hello again!  I am still here, alive and mostly well.  I will start right off and say that never, in my time on this planet, have I been through a winter as miserable as this.  It started December 1st, and hasn't let up and we're damn near through February.  It's relentless, it's repulsive, it's maddening.  People are snarky, people are depressed, people are short-fused, and who can blame them? I at first thought it was just me, and was thinking that oh yeah, people up here are reveling in it, they are making snowmen and snow forts, and skiing, all that, and I find that really isn't the case. 

What do we do?  We complain about it endlessly on Facebook :) 

So what's good in the world right now?  Hmmm let's see.  I am having a really hard time getting past this winter thing, oh, and the fact this country is still on a major downward slide into total destruction, but let's look beyond that, even if only briefly.

Spring WILL get here, we WILL be able to be outside until 9:30pm on patios, talking around Citronella candles.  Crickets will chirp, we'll be able to watch for falling stars, BBQs will kick off again.  Sunroofs will be open, music cranked up, socks will be left in their drawers.  See?  I am not always thinking about doomsday. It's the simple things that get you through.  Right now it's Tuesday.  Tuesday is a blah day.  It almost sucks more than Monday, because Monday already has enough haters.  Wednesday is hump day, Thursday you're getting closer to the weekend, and then Friday, oh how I love thee!  But Tuesday just plain sucks.

Think of it this way: You've already gotten up and are probably at work, so you're one step closer to closing Tuesday out for another week.  Yep!  Sometimes it's the little things.......

Sharing TMI.......

I have been in the dog business for 20 some years, basically, almost my entire life.  It wasn't until 2003 that I had my first dog that was all mine and not a family dog.  It's now 10 years later and I have 3 of them.  Despite my prior posts about the menacing dog club, I still love my guys.

In 2009, Guido became a father.  His wife was "June" who would be Al's granddaughter.  Guido and June had 7 beautiful pups born April 25, 2009.  All proven athletes, two were top 10 runners, very proud :)

It is now time for Guido to be a father again.  I guess I didn't know how easy and cheap we had it with June....we met in Iowa, she wasn't ready, so I took her home with me for a week, where we got 3 natural planned breedings, and a 4th because he just couldn't leave her alone. 

This time, his new wife, "Angie" lives in Connecticut.  There is the option of having her shipped to us, but with all the deaths of dogs on airplanes, and it getting to be so cold, we opted to do it artificially. This is where I got a little weirded  out.   I am not one who is bothered by many things, other than the thought of drinking milk, feet, and a few other things that need not be mentioned.

The process of doing this, is "collecting" Guido and shipping the result overnight, where on the receiving end, Angie is inseminated.  What does this mean?  I am sure you are getting the idea here...yes,  I have taken my dog 2x now to be jacked off.  We go to the clinic and go downstairs, and the tech sits on the floor and just starts pulling.  I was so red that Saturday when we went in for a vitality test, I was thinking OMG, I hope they pay these people well!!!  I just stood there with the leash and looked the other way.   Guido didn't seem to mind it.

We go one more time tomorrow, he will have 2 collections sent off to CT.  In about 2-3 weeks we will know if this was successful or not....fingers and paws crossed!! The hardest part was trying to explain to my boss why I needed to leave early, and why it would be a last minute thing, depending on what Angie's progesterone tests were.

Some of you who read this will be like, no big.....been there, done that, it's expensive.  Some of you will be thinking "wow, that is kind of nasty"....either way, getting the correct dogs for the events you want them for, takes work, planning and good timing! :)

Misery loves company

If you're here looking for happy things like ponies and flowers, take a hike.  I am a negative, miserable sociopath who is on the rampage right now after having taken way too much shit for too long.  First off, a big "Fuck you" to fucking Facebook, or as we call it FAGbook.  So fucking what if we have some pages of politicians, or musicians that make funny remarks on the news pages, it's a fucking GAME, and there are many who play. However, this week, the smack has come down on me and another friend, and at the same time.  Hmmmm...makes ya wonder just who the fuck has the extra time to sit there and report everything we say.   Also, FAGbook is so obviously Pro-Obama, and that I doubt we will ever be unlocked. 


I have had this blog for a few years, maybe more.  I didn't ever have much to say because I really don't do much that others would find interesting.  I am a loner, I am anti-social, and I really don't like people.  I am exhausted at the end of the, because trying to put on the appearance of being a "normal" person is like running a marathon every day.  I don't know how much longer I can do it.

I have very few people I can even call friends.  A few of them have stuck around for 15+ years, and I applaud them, because if I was them trying to hang around me, I couldn't do it.   Some other friends are ones that of course, only use FAGbook, not even an Email for them, so when I deactivate my FAGbook account, the only way they'd find out if I was rotting in my apartment would be when the it hit the news. 

Sometimes I can be funny, crude and absolutely ridiculous.  I like it when I feel that way, but it might be awhile.  The perfect storm, so to speak has been gathering clouds around my head for the last 6 months, and it's going to storm, something has to give.  Maybe then I will say something different....and if you have read this far, check back later.  Along with being a psycho, I am bi-polar so my moods can swing at the drop of a hat.

That's it for now. 

Thinking back and wondering about choices.

 Part 1

 It's September, 2012.  My house is now gone, the foreclosure process completed on the 10th.  I feel empty and lost.  While many things were wrong with the house, it was home for almost 7 years.  We did not plan for things to go the way they did.  Upon purchasing in January, 2006, the plan had been live there for 5 years, flip it, take the equity and each buy our own place.  Little did we know a failing American economy and a unethical housing market was about to crash down in 2008.

Flash back 2008 - 2010:

We tried to work with the bank, the mortgage was so upside down, that had something gone wrong with the house, we wouldn't be able to afford to fix it.  This spanned from boilers, to electrical wiring, to the roof and all the windows.  The bank refused to offer any of the numerous assistance plans they had quickly come up with when this crisis started.  We made too much money, even me on unemployment for 6 months.  We were too rich to get help, and too poor to help ourselves, so we made the hard decision to walk away.

This year I had to deal with the 2nd mortgage, which unbeknownst to us, can turn to unsecured debt on a foreclosure.  With the threat of wage garnishment on my doorstep, I opted to scrape up enough, and pray they would work with me.  They did, they took a cash settlement from me for a little less than 1/2 the balance. This was after close to 6 months of negotiation letters that were getting nowhere.  Wells Fargo doesn't back down.  This prevented me from having to file for Bankruptcy, which although being without my cushion of savings, was the better choice for the long run.  This whole process was a constant "kick me while I'm down" scenario, and it really worse me down. 

There is a lot more that happened between then and now, which I will get to later. Right now I am trying to find myself again.  I am lost at sea, home gone, pride swallowed, having to start over with nothing.  I don't know what I want to do, what does one do when they "start over"? My dreams?  Long ago forgotten.  The nights are long, days longer, routines and things I am familiar with, no longer in existence. 

Oh Lawrd!!!

I need to take this up again.  Facebook is not the place to express yourself, apparently.  Too many sheeple there, too many who don't want to know the Truth......time to move here!!

No really....I AM still trying!

Summer has zipped by, it's already getting cold out, the dog's busy fall coursing season is about to begin. I am still employed (knock on wood), will be looking for a place to move this spring, preferably over in the St. Paul 'burbs, and yeah...that's it in a nutshell!

Been doing a lot of research on 911 truth, and will be attending a function with friends this Sunday on the 10 year anniversary of when our own country killed thousands of it's own people in the name of war, money and oil.

I honestly need to post more here. I have gotten into too much trouble on Facebook because I guess the unwritten rule there is don't say anything someone might not agree with. Who needs that crap? Though I am "friends" with some people who I really don't want to see the latest animal humping picture someone sent me, so maybe this is for the best!

Ah, crap.

So much for keeping up! I'll try harder, really....I will!

We're still waiting for spring here, it sucks. Last year at this time, we'd already seen 80, not even a 55 in sight. The dogs want to run, we're dodging puddles and cess pools trying to get some training in. May has us at trials every weekend:

Des Moines, IA
Farmington, MN
Farmington, MN
Lawrence, KS

Along with the dogs getting in shape, I too am busting ass, and cutting out sweets. I forgot how hard that is to do, it's like meth withdrawal...I love my cupcakes!!

Confessions of a Hoarder

2009:

Bedding, jeans, cans of soup, dog food, South Beach bars, plastic sacks of new clothes, I had it all, and it was EVERYWHERE. My kitchen table was the dump site; every time I came in, everything I had was put on or around the kitchen table. Soon, the only thing visible where the shaky legs of said table, sadly bending under the weight of nothing but crap. You see, 2009 was a rough year; I was laid off in March and spent my 3 months of severance dealing with a roller coaster of emotions. Anger, hatred, sadness, despair, all downs and no ups. I started making the best of what little money I had and I became a "collector". Saver's was my Achilles's heel. Where else could you find almost brand new GAP jeans for $10?? I have over 50 pairs of jeans. Where else can you get a Ralph Lauren blanket, with the original tags still on it....for $8? Yeah, you get the point.

The backroom in my house is piled 6 foot high with my "collections". The door stays closed, and nobody knows about my dirty little secret. There is a guest bed in there...somewhere....I think some of my missing items made their way into that room, but I do not know. My poor bike has not been ridden in 2 years; he sits in the hallway collecting dust along with a couple kennels and boxes for my TV and computer I can't throw away because I don't want the neighbors to know what goods I have. And where did that cooler come from? And why is there a broken printer still here? Can't count how many times I have barked my ankles on that thing going to the can.

2010:

I learned A LOT from 2009. I learned that material things mean jack shit. It's not what you have that makes you who you are. That was a hard concept to learn, as I have always been one that hasn't gone without. It was a humbling experience because I started not wanting things; I was no longer jealous if a friend got a huge flat screen TV, because mine worked great. I was becoming a minimalist.

2011:

My collecting has dropped quite a bit, sans my affinity for purchases at CostCo (who DOESN'T need 52 packs of Quaker Oatmeal?). I did get a new computer, and was given a TV as a gift. I am satisfied, my need to run out and stock up on jeans and socks has subsided. I found that going back to old things brings much satisfaction too. Particular in the literary sense, re-reading the old classic books has opened my eyes to the fact that history does in fact repeat itself....I just hope I am exempt from that part, I would hate to catch myself buying 15 blankets again ;)

My plan for 2010 is to clean out that room. I don't think it will be an issue, nothing has meaning, it's going to be more of a pain in the ass getting it out of here. With an impending foreclosure, I have to make my life more portable, and not have to have a semi truck;)

Is there Anybody OUT there?

It's been a long long time since I have kept up a blog. I miss it. The years I was actively writing about meaningless shit, so were my friends, and we had a cool little web ring going. Facebook stole all the glamour from blogs, dumbing it down to just a line or two about your insignificant activities instead of whole paragraphs. I talk too much, I know it, you all probably know it too. I have ADHD, so my head is constantly filled with random thoughts that I sometimes feel the need to share...with anyone, anyone who will listen ;)

The old phrase of "Familiarity breeds contempt" is so true for Facebook. I have had more cyber fights and spats over the lamest things ever, then in RL. I refuse to stop being me for the sake of someone tired of hearing about the race meets, or some sick ass picture I find amusing. I am tired of being depressed, and while I know it's a disease I will fight the rest of my life, if I can be up, then fuck it, I will be up!! :)

We'll see how it goes......it really helps to write stuff down, even if your only audience is you.